ohblahdi’s Weblog

{October 10, 2008}   ugh

So, yeah.  I know this is my third blog today but it is almost one o’clock in the morning and I am still friggin awake.  WTF.

I have redesigned my myspaces.  I have looked at everyone elses. Can anyone say stalker?  I have a near burn on my lap from my computer.  Can’t wait until my new one comes.  It is supposed to get shipped tomorrow.  I have this urge to take time off and just write.  Like two or three days.  Mental illness counts for sick days. I have been really up and down lately.  Every once in a while I give into self loathing depression.  It is a fight and sometimes I feel like i am losing that fight.  I realized lately that I have serious abandonment issues.  My dad left several times and I cannot seem to get over the fact that I wasn’t good enough for him to change…not important enough.  I know that that is not true, but for some reason my brain does not.  My mom never thought I was pretty, thin, or good enough.  So, my brain doesn’t allow me to think anyone else does either.  What the hell.  Am I schitzophrenic or what?  I know the truth.  I keep telling myself the truth, but then my idiot chromosomes or mitochondria or something just doesn’t believe it.  So then, I am alone and sad in a world full of people who have no idea what a wreck I am.  I am truly a hazard to myself.  Don’t let me get me.

I am okay now.  But sometimes. ugh.


kaptainkrunchy says:

I love you, you’re a beautiful wreck to me.

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