ohblahdi’s Weblog

{June 16, 2009}   Poetry…

So I had an interesting day. It is my first technical day of vacation. I had planned to hang out with Alannah today and maybe go book shopping. She is having a rough time. For some reason she thinks she is fat because she has grown out of a size 3. She doesn’t understand that a woman’s body, the one she has received, is not that small but still quite beautiful. Feeling ugly and unloved runs deep in the blood lines sadly. Beth came over and brought her two month old nephew and my one year old Logan. I love that that baby loves me. It makes me so happy. I spent most of the morning and several hours over the week planning my anniversary get away. I wanted it to be so perfect for Peter. I really think I chose well this time. I hope. Sadly, he hurt himself today and is in a really unfriendly mood because of it. This wrist thing has really brought out the worst in him. He is depressed, emotional, and distant. He feels useless which makes him so unhappy. Of course, I do not react well with angry useless depressed husbands. So, now I feel unwanted, useless and depressed which makes a really great wife, mother, and self. Nice. Oh well, between my husband and my daughter, I have to be the always understanding forgiving LeBlanc. sigh. I am planning to get a Master’s degree soon. I think. I would like to get it in Creative Writing or Poetry. I am kind of scared to choose. I want to be creative so badly. I feel stifled due to time constraints. I want to finish writing my book and am even inspired to do a little poetry maybe. Sadly, my poetry book will be titled “How Fucked Up I Really Am.” I think I need to capture the uglier side of my dark thoughts. They need to come out before they eat me alive. As Steven King would say, “Get out the gunky” in Lisey’s Story…
“Don’t let me get me, I’m a hazard to myself.” –Pink


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