ohblahdi’s Weblog

{January 31, 2011}   Margins

Well guys, Christmas break is over and life is back in swing. I realized over the three long weeks of our Christmas break several things about being a parent, being a friend, a wife, and well just a person. I often struggle with the idea of being a great everything and struggle with the idea that I indeed should not struggle due to vanity, and then I struggle with what the ideal great everything really truly is. Here I am, 35 years old, married for nearly twenty years, parent of three teenagers and teaching high school having a self identity crisis. What is a truly great anything? Can I ever achieve that? Should I even try? Am I aiming for the right great everything?
I try to keep myself balanced. Balanced meaning: not screaming and yelling, calm, happy and maybe even fun. Balanced meaning: well fed, somewhat clean, organized, and on top of things. Balanced meaning: children in order, happy husband, cared for dogs. Balanced meaning: huh? Yeah, I tend to get distracted very easy. The Bible says to acknowledge God in all things. Society says that I am supposed to have an immaculate house, organic food, clean dogs, respectful children, and a really hot body. I think I may break down and cry.
My balance scale says two opposite things. What am I supposed to do when I feel good, my kids are silly, my husband is chilling but my whole house looks like a bunch of fraternity guys live here? Do I yell at everyone to stop living and clean the dang house? What am I supposed to do bathe the dogs or play with them or cook dinner or lesson plan? When am I going to find time to make sure that my house looks like Better Homes and Gardens magazines, my kids like Old Navy models, me look like a Victoria Secret Model, cook like the food network, afford organic food, lesson plan, sleep, get massages, drive kids around to violin lessons, kickboxing, hockey and church, take care of extra kids, oh my goodness I can’t breathe.
I have to stop and think what is important. If the house is clean but messy, life will go on. If my kids learn priorities, and willingly try to help and love each other but the dishes don’t get done, life will go on. If my husband has to work late, eat frozen left-overs, life will go on. If I try to be active, love myself, god and others and do not look like a model….well, I guess life will go on. What I am trying to say is that balance means that I am at peace, I have joy, avoid conflict and anger, well my balance is pretty darn good. Society is not my savior and never will be. I don’t know why I gave them a minute of my precious family time. So, here is my margin, my reset if you will: Don’t try to be what everyone else says you need to be. There is no margin there. See what you want out of life, how you can serve God while doing that and life is the margin.


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