ohblahdi’s Weblog

{May 16, 2011}   Sigh…

It has indeed been a while. The good news is that that means that I have been processing things better mentally. The bad news is that today, I cannot. Usually, when I have things on my mind, they will not leave until I write them down. I will roll them over and over again and drive myself insane. The problems I have right now are more than I can deal with. I have discussed them with a couple of friends, but I guess I have to write it out to process it all. First of all I am overwhelmed with everything: church blog, teaching, parenting, wifing, and maybe even just breathing. Alannah is my biggest stress currently. I worry about her a lot. She has so much pressure. I know that it is all of her own doing, but I think that she can’t help it. I really think it is an OCD, anxiety, issue that she needs therapy for. I guess I always thought she would grow out of it but I see that it is not going away and is becoming uncontrollable. I know so, because my own similar problems are also raging and I know how she feels. So, I am praying for a solution for this and am hoping that all works out for the better. I can’t carry this any more. Alannah’s symptoms: social awkwardness, fear of rejection, eats lunch alone daily in my room, does not have close relationships, cannot ask anyone for help, even a waitress, breaks down on assignments she does not understand and breaks into tears over any type of dissaproval or frustration from teachers, is annoying to teachers, cannot function under pressure, puts pressure on herself at all times, never just plays or has fun, works late into the night on all assignments but is easily distracted by nothing and forgets what she is doing. Me: cannot talk to people on the phone, especially business people, doctors, or the like, cannot deal with confrontation in any issue, would rather pretend it does not exist, cannot handle any type of rejection, become distant if I am uncomfortable and make my husband crazy, cry nearly everyday, cannot cope with life, constantly making escape plans, terrified of being alone or feeling lonely, overwhelmed with relationships and the feeling that I annoy others. Constant state of panic, sometimes uncontrollable. I have gone to urgent care several times thinking I had heart problems. I have had exrays and have been given inhalers….haha the whole time, just good old fashion anxiety. I hope that I can find the right solutions. We can’t live this way. I can’t put the people around me through this anymore. Pray that we can find a therapist or solution that is something we can live with. I am going to talk to some people this week. Thanks for listening….Lara. Haha you are probably the only one who reads these things. 🙂


Leila says:

I’ve struggled with which started off as anxiety for a few years when I was 16, and thought little of it. It then led to a horrible depression which I thought I would never come out of. After finally seeking therapy, I feel loads better and rarely ever think of what had caused all the problems to begin with. I only really felt upset that I got that low to realize that I needed help. Therapy would probably really help both of you guys 😀

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